As you know, I have been struggling with fibromyalgia for the past 5 months. It has been an eye opening experience in many ways.
When my daughters and I returned from Greece 4 years ago, we all had a lot of healing to do. While there, I learned who YHWH is. Without influence of churches, Internet, and personal opinions for many periods.
I felt very close to YHWH. So close it broke my heart to leave my special spots next to the Aegean Sea. Especially the spot where I found the stone which carries a message within its letters upon it.
Upon returning to the land I was born in, the 4 of us felt lost, sad and had a difficult time trusting many. I did not feel YHWH for quite some time. Not the way I did in Greece. However, He always let me know He is there. And truth be told, I rebelled quite abit while I tried to hold strong for my 3 daughters. I cried a lot of tears missing what was left behind. Much like Lot’s wife. I understand that story now. I understand it to my core.
So as I have been home these past 5 months, we lost 2 beloved pets that were very intertwined in our lives. We have dealt with numerous doctors and SSI, etc. Nothing takes the pain away. It is worse instead of better.
Now many may say, YHWH struck her down. And maybe He did. Either way, I have gained quite a bit of insight within this time period. From deeper understanding of the spiritual war and how I can easily fall into the adversaries traps and tricks. I have been able to fully forgive a few people in my life. Including my biological mother, who now knows The Name and uses it. And all this has happened because I was struck down.
I never get angry at YHWH. I only got upset when our pets each died rather suddenly. But I also can grasp the lessons within their lives with us. That was my flesh crying in selfishness of wanting them to live longer for our pleasure.
I thank YHWH every day for allowing me to see many of my downfalls and weaknesses. Not to mention where I hold onto pride and ego. The woman who held strong for the majority of her life has to be humbled some more. Washed clean. Some of the scrubbing really hurt, and some still hurts, but I will accept this new journey.
As Minister QuietBuck always tells me…it’s time to slow down, we aren’t 20 anymore. That truly is my biggest battle. For it is extremely difficult for me to depend on others. Even typing this on my tablet, my hands shake and double tap many times. Something that is new to me and quite honestly, if I let it, would frustrate me to a grand degree. Instead I quietly fix the errors and continue on with the post. Patience. A great lesson Mrs. QuietBuck tends to battle quite often.
So, these are the reasons I have been quiet here. How can I aid anyone if I can’t aid my own spirit? Walking through this with YHWH always on my mind and trying to figure out some puzzles He has me trying to solve, keeps me away for a brief while.
I am being humbled in more ways than one. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!