Through my years as a believer, I have spoken with many men and women who are trying to get closer to YHWH. I regularly get questions such as…
“How did you get the faith in YHWH you have today?”
“Why are you so strong in YHWH?”
“How did you learn His Name?”
“How can you hear YHWH and know it is Him?”
To be honest, in the beginning it was very difficult. I probably ran with every “Non Me” thought believing it was Him speaking. And yes, I did run with them.
Around 1997 a lot of life changes were happening. I believed every good thing that happened to me was “because of my Heavenly Father”. Therefore I ran and ran with what I thought was listening to Him. However, I was still drinking milk.
Isaiah 28:9 Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts.
It’s funny how while drinking milk, we can believe with all our hearts that we are deep into the meat of YHWH.
Mid 2000, I was moved away from every single thing I knew. My country, my language, my family and friends. A stranger in a strange land. Nothing was making any sense to me. It was unusual circumstances that took me there. During that time, I was at an all point low. I was angry, confused and extremely depressed. I wanted to know Why I was there. After feeling so black inside, I got to the anger point of cursing “God” and demanding to know why I was there. In my fury, I demanded to know why, what was going to be done about it and fix it! I was an ignorant believer in something greater than myself, however I was not sure what it was or who I was believing in.
Well, a few days later, a man came to my door selling calendars for 1000 drachmas. (about $2.50) I did not have even that at the time, but I had a 500 dxma bill ($1.25 or so). He gave it to me anyways. It was a calendar with the Christian holidays. On the cover was a common picture of Jesus with a white gown and red sash over his shoulders. Immediately after I closed the door and turned towards my livingroom, I heard clearly in my head…
Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”
This got my interest sparked. And I mean Sparked! For I took it as I opened the door and in came this religious figure. One I’d not really cared for.
From that moment on, I began reading scripture and delving in as much as I could to learn everything I could about our Creator. At that point in time, I had not known His Name. That would come years later. However, during the time in between, I was sent on many wild journeys. Each one was training me to learn to truly listen to Him and discern truth from fables. And did I ever learn, we are taught oh so many fables!
One thing I did is this. I asked Him to teach me as a Dad would his infant. To make it easier for me to understand. Once I asked this, amazing things began to happen. It seemed almost daily for several years, something phenomenal was happening. Due to that, with joy, I shared my exciting new journey with everyone I knew who was struggling in their own faith, as well as others who were going through similar experiences. It was the beginning of my true faith journey. And then one day it was His Name.
Minister QB was only a friend at the time. He tried to share with me his own journey on learning the Name YHWH. I inwardly poo pooed him regarding what he had shown me. I had to learn it on my own. The rebellious child I tend to become refused to listen to any human. I wanted no influence from my friend, any church, priest or any man, woman or child. So I asked YHWH to show me. And He did. Brilliantly, YHWH showed me His Name in Paleo Hebrew. Revealing to me His Name in a way I’d grasp and understand. The moment I lay my eyes upon it, I felt for the first time in my life that I had found Home!!! My entire life changed to a new level and new heights I never imagined. As well, I had more opposition than I ever would experience in my life! The closer I got to YHWH, the more people would try to slam me down. He continued to reveal His Word to me for strength. Psalms became an integral part of my life.
It took feeling so low as if life were over and I was done, for me to go to Him as I was. An angry, confused, furious woman doing the best she could to survive in chaotic surroundings. It took screaming out some pretty foul things at Him and stating I won’t believe anymore in You. Well, from that time on I had to go through many excruciating lessons to understand what is Him speaking and not my own thoughts or that of the instigator, as I like to call him.
We women can often end up in a whirlwind trying to do the right thing. Being the passionate creatures we are, it is easy to trip up. Running to friends or family to have them confirm things for us. Sadly, all that does is keep us within the walls of a tornado.
It is silencing ones own mind, going out into nature and just listening to the sounds. Talking with YHWH as if talking to your best friend. For learning to focus is so extremely important. YHWH has always shown me things 3 times to confirm to me it is truly Him. Confirmation with scripture is the nail on the head to finalize my understanding. If it can’t be lined up with scripture, it is usually not of YHWH. At least in my experiences. We must also realize how important it is to remember: 2Corinthians 11:14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore, once your eyes are opened, target practice becomes imminent from the other side. 1John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of YHWH: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
My favorite confirmation is a stone I found. A few weeks before my children and I were to return to America, I was walking along the beach outside our last home. There were millions of stones along the shoreline. Suddenly I looked down and found a stone with His Name on it. It jumped out at me. Begging for me to pick it up. I held tight to that stone and still have it through today.
Revelation 2:17 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the assemblies; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.
In honesty, throughout my journey, I had fallen into many snares. And gratefully, YHWH would show me the wrongs. Lessons I had to learn to stand where I am now. Learning to block out man’s teachings and becoming dependent upon YHWH in all ways can be quite a trial. Erasing the slate, so to speak. For our brains want to bring in everything we ever heard or were taught about an Almighty Creator. Instead, I learned I had to go straight to our Creator and humble myself before Him. Asking for help in learning to focus and to listen.
For some it is easy I suppose. For me, it was a difficult road to travel upon. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. For without that difficult road, I’d not have the faithfulness to YHWH that I have today. A mere servant struggling to follow YHWH the way He wants and not the way I want.